Toxic Matriarchy

Introduction

I have said at sundry times and diver’s manners that the biggest problem facing our country is fatherlessness. Being a ghetto bastard myself, I can attest to the joys of fatherlessness firsthand. But it’s not just my firsthand experiential knowledge of this, all of the data backs this up. In fact, under the reign of Barack Obama, that great communist himself, had the audacity to point this out in his book, Audacity of Hope, when he said,

“We know the statistics that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime and nine times more likely to drop out of school and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems or runaway from home or become teenage parents themselves and the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.” Barack Obama

He is absolutely correct and is proof that even a blind squirrel finds a nut on occasion. Here are just a few of the statistics that I quote often:

85% of all children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes

85% of all youth sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes

80% of rapists come from fatherless homes

Many have been pointing this out and I praise God for that, and many in the church have doubled their efforts in discipling godly men, to be godly husbands and godly fathers and I praise God for that. I am so thankful for, and have been blessed by a great many works on how to be a godly man and father and praise God for that, and I praise God that market seems to be growing.

So it seems that the biggest problem in our society right now, would be a lack of patriarchy…that is, father-rule. To be more precise, men who love the Lord and are leading according to His design and law in their respective spheres of authority, beginning in the home and then working its way out and through the rest of society.

One could even argue that the clown world we’re in right now is largely the result of

fatherlessness. The solution to this then, would not just be patriarchy, but godly patriarchs. And yet, patriarchy is becoming a word of derision and scorn right up there with racist, homophobe and Christian Nationalist. However, there does seem to be a direct correlate between the desecration of the patriarchy and the rise of clown world. As a result of this, I believe we can also argue that there is a correlation between the growth of clown world with the rise of, and unquestioned promotion of the matriarchy…that is, mother-rule.

Stephen Wolfe writes, in his uncontroversial little book, The Case for Christian Nationalism,

“The most insane and damaging sociological trends of our modern society are all female-driven. The gynocracy is self-destructive and breeds social disorder. Feminine virtues greatly benefit individuals and society; they are indispensable. But they operate for good only when complemented with masculine leadership.” Stephen Wolfe

The promotion of the lady-boss in the private and public spheres, the celebration of single-mothers and motherlessness coupled with the desecration and distain of the patriarchy are chief contributors to clown world, because it is a direct assault on God’s design and is toxic. The term toxic masculinity is popular today, but patriarchy, by definition would have to be even more toxic, because, not only is it the promotion of masculinity, but the promotion of masculine rule…necessarily so.

It is true that patriarchy can be toxic, but it is toxic only as a result of sin and not inherently so. That is, someone can be a domineering jerk and abuse their authority, or they can be a passive turd and abandon their authority. Both of which, would be toxic. But the problem here is not with authority, or in this case with patriarchy. It is with the abuse or abandonment of legitimate authority…God-given authority, authority that is baked into the cake of creation.

God made men to rule, and when they don’t do that in a godly way, things go south quick. But the solution to this problem is repentance and never matriarchy. Yes, those who rule as patriarchs can be sinful, but patriarchy is not in-and-of-itself sinful, in fact, it’s part of God’s good design.

On the other hand, matriarchy is always a corruption of nature and the result of sin in some way and is never to be desired. So then, the film “Woman King” is stupid for a multitude of reasons. First, because it’s like releasing a film called the square circle. And second, it’s not just a confusion of gender but also roles.

All of this to say, that the promotion of feminism and matriarchy, as a way of exalting women, and fixing what are perceived to be all of the harms that the patriarchy has inflicted upon the world since the beginning of time, has only led to the desecration and defilement of femininity and motherhood.

Therefore, what is truly, and unavoidably toxic in society is not the patriarchy, but rather the matriarchy. One may argue, that the presence of the one is a result of the absence of the other. To which, I would give you a hardy amen. However, though we should preach godly manly rule every chance we get – early and often – wherever and whenever we can, we have to understand that this, in-and-of-itself, is not going to completely remove the matriarchal impulse of our society.

After the fall, Eve’s desire was to rule and that hasn’t gone away. Not only that, we have been feeding that fire for decades and those fat hens that have come home to roost barely fit on the roosting bars anymore. Which is to say we have a decades long fight of rebuking the matriarchy as toxic while at the same time, promoting the glory of godly women and mothers.

Toxic Matriarchy

It’s been said, and rightly so, that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. But if this is true, how so? Two people could make that statement and mean entirely different things when asserting it, which will produce entirely different results. If by this statement, we mean that a woman’s submission to her husband, and stewardship of her home and love for and nurture of her children will have a tremendous impact on the next generation. We could, as Christians, give that statement a hardy amen.

A wife and mother’s primary role and responsibilities are in the home. This is a glorious thing. Notice I said, primary. A wife and mother come nearer to fulfilling their God-given function in the home than anywhere else. So when someone says that a woman can do everything that a man can do – it is simply not true, and doesn’t really answer any questions. Women have been doing incredibly difficult tasks for centuries as they steward their homes.

It is not as though women never did anything difficult in history until we put shoulder pads on them and stuck them in a cubicle for forty hours a week. That’s just flat out retarded. The vast majority of woman are not as physically equipped to do physical labor as men. This doesn’t mean they are not equipped to do difficult labor, nor that they are never required to do strenuous physical activity. It is to say that a woman’s primary role and responsibilities are in the home as helper. This is where God intends her to thrive, and this is where she is to have dominion. And given this, most important of roles, when she doesn’t have dominion here, everyone suffers.

When women fulfill their role in the home it is in accord with sound doctrine. Which means, when they don’t, it is a perversion of doctrine. Which means, confessionally sound churches filled with passive-aggressive women (y’all know exactly what I’m talking about)…are functionally heretical.

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:1-5

There are a multitude of reasons why that may be. We can point to men as failing in the role as patriarch. That is a man’s responsibility to make sure his wife and home are thriving…to protect and provide and love those under his care beginning with his wife and children. If you’re going to lead, do it with gusto and fill your home with joy. Have men dropped the ball? Yes. But the problem isn’t only men.

If you marinate in an area long enough, pretty soon you begin to smell like that area. Anyone that has ever worked at a restaurant or on a farm knows this. I lived in farm country and can tell you who lives where based on the smell of the different fertilizers used. All this to say that our country has been marinating in the pernicious stench of feminism for decades and even the most caste among us still stink, but maybe not as bad. The way to fix the problem is to eliminate the stink, not cover it up like a middle school boy with his first bottle of Old Spice.

The epidemy folly is a woman dressed like a prostitute who is wily of heart. She is loud and wayward and doesn’t stay at home because she is in the street and in the marketplace (Prov. 7:10-12). Therefore, what feminism promotes as the ultimate end for which every woman should pursue, God says is stupid.

Peter Marshall writes,

“...for men have recognized that womanhood is a sacred and a noble thing, that women are of finer clay…It remained for the twentieth century, in the name of progress, in the name of tolerance, in the name of broadmindedness, in the name of freedom, to pull her down from her throne and try to make her like a man. She wanted equality…and so it is, that in the name of broadminded tolerance, a man’s vices have now become woman’s.”

It's not just that a man’s vices have become woman’s, while maintaining what she was designed to be and do. That has all been sacrificed on the alter of progress. Therefore, in her pursuit of being a super-awesome boss-bitch that can do everything a man can do she has sacrificed the very thing she should do, and that is, being a good mom according to God’s good design.

Therefore, the promotion of matriarchy (because the patriarchy is inherently evil and white), will not only, not solve any cultural problem but rather exacerbate them like fixing to fix a raging case of diarrhea with X-Lax, by further removing women from what God has designed for them. You can’t be a mother (at least not in function) and rule in the home, nor can you be a super awesome boss-bitch in the marketplace and still be a good mother at home because your focus will not be the home. God has not designed things to work that way.

J.R. Miller says,

“A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness. God sends many beautiful things into the world, many noble gifts; but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows in a mother who has learned love’s lessons well, and has realized something of the meaning of her sacred calling.”

Feminism treats being a mom as an interruption to what really matters in life and what should really be pursued in life, but this is a terrible lie. Women were designed to be mothers, and when they sacrifice their fertility on the high alter of feminism only to find themselves in their late forties without their own children they will inevitably mother their staffs.

Being a mom is not the interruption. Nancy Wilson says, “Laying aside our own plans in order to rock a baby or comfort a child is a soul-prospering work, not an annoying interruption.” She goes on to say, “Reading stories over and over, stacking the blocks one more time, washing a face, wiping a nose, changing a wet diaper, or putting fresh sheets on the bed are all ways a mother cares for her children and communicates love and security.”

Yes, father hunger is a very real thing, but so too is mother hunger. If dad isn’t there and mom is trying to fill the role of both, she probably sucks at both. I can see people glowing red right now in response to that statement, but thats only because you’ve bought the lie that single moms are the most virtuous creature is existence, like every angel in a country song, but that’s a load of crap.

If I said, what I just said regarding fathers…no one would bat an eyelash. If I said that single dads suck at being both dad and mom, because it’s true and they would know that I’m speaking in principle, no one would think me a monster…maybe even a white monster. But you’re not allowed to do that regarding women. One, because it would make too much sense, and two, because as soon as you do, someone brings up Betty Sue down the road who is a mighty fine person and doing a great job being a mom while the state raises her kids.

The only people that benefit from single moms are corporate scumbags and scumbag politicians that achieve job security off their desperation. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of single moms are single moms because they made crappy decisions in life, and the solution to that problem is repentance not exaltation. Most of them (notice I didn’t say all) continue to enter into bad relationship after bad relationship, not because they feel so happy and empowered, but because they are secretly desperate and miserable.

Scott Brown says, “All over the world, the number of women who are fully dedicated to the biblical duties of motherhood is dropping at an alarming rate. While modernity has given us many technological advantages and career opportunities, it also has given us fewer and fewer mothers who dedicate their entire lives to the task.” And I would add to this that we are all suffering greatly as a result.

If one were to say, “Yes, but fatherlessness is the bigger problem.” I would say, “Yes, but if we fix the transmission on a car with no tires it’s still not going anywhere.” If godly fathers are the cornerstone to building a godly home, and mom is the steward of that home, it won’t matter much, what dad is building with his right hand if mom is tearing it with her left hand.

Or if young women don’t share that vision on the front end there won’t be anything to build anyway, except for their career, and if children are brought into the world they will either be an after thought and a hindrance to achieving said career, or used as a prop (look how amazing she is, and she is a mother too…which is like saying, “she is doing all this man stuff, and also, what she’s supposed to be doing) to advance her career.

Kids aren’t stupid. It’s bad when dad is distracted by work, but it’s way worse when mom is, because it’s unnatural. If mom rules she will suck at being a dad and also suck at being a mom. It is just rank pride to think otherwise. James Cameron (the pastor from the 1800’s, not the Titanic guy), says of moms,

“You are partakers of the same sinful nature with those whom you have to train, encompassed with all the weakness of fallen humanity, and subject to all its temptations. You have to contend against your own sinful propensities; to watch over your own spirits; to strive with your own waywardness; and in the midst of all this, to set before your children such an example of patience, forbearance, and holy living, as shall be a true and faithful comment on the sacred truths you teach them. If you ever became self-sufficient, be assured you will labor in vain; ‘God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble’ James 4:6."

Now, if someone gives an amen to the above statement, “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world,” but that’s only because they believe, like Beyonce, “that girls run this mother” we would have to conclude that they are an idiot. The way to exalt women and mothers is not to make them men and fathers. It is to praise and honor them in their God-given form and function.

Conclusion

Do we need Godly men today? Yes, absolutely. We need Godly men to rule in their homes and the private sphere and in the public sphere. We need, as Emerson said,

“Brave men who work while others sleep, Who dare while others fly...They build a nation's pillars deep, And lift them to the sky.”

But we also need godly moms. As Abraham Kupyer said,

“A mother’s power lies in the fact that she prays for her child.”

Yes, absolutely…and in catechism, and instruction, and in one more

peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and in one more sleepless night, and in one more wiped nose, and in one more story, and in one more diaper and in one more face washing, and so on.

Men will never strive and sacrifice to build a household if they don’t have a greater vision of what that can be. It is a godly wife and mother who gives that vision flesh, and makes it sweet, because she makes his labors meaningful through her fruitfulness…A godly wife and mother makes everything better, not through her rule, but through his.